I stopped taking my pills about a week and a half ago. I was only on them for a couple months, but I really can’t say they were helping. Honestly, things in my life have been going pretty positively, and I don’t even feel like I need them. I won’t lie and say the thoughts in my head are gone. They are still there. They aren’t going to disappear overnight, if they even disappear at all. But they are quieter. They aren’t such pressing forces. Louder, stronger ones are taking over. They scream, “Don’t you have something to live for?!” over the ones that still whisper, “die…”
So many people are waiting for me to fail. So many people expect me to give in. But I don’t think I will. It feels different this time. It feels better. I feel better.
I cannot say this is 24/7. I cannot say that it’s a complete 180. I would be lying. There are still days I don’t want to wake up in the morning. There are still moments where I just want to scream and break things, and there are still moments where I really do. But they are fewer and further between. And they keep getting that way.