November 2010
1 post
The heart is like a magnet. It goes through life finding so many opposites. Others have only a weak pull, and the connection is soon broken. Until you find another with an equal pull, which draws you in like a moth to a flame. They are drawn together, and with time, they begin to strengthen their bond, making it harder to pull one away from the other. The magnetic fields of the two begin working...
October 2010
2 posts
Serotonin
I stopped taking my pills about a week and a half ago. I was only on them for a couple months, but I really can’t say they were helping. Honestly, things in my life have been going pretty positively, and I don’t even feel like I need them. I won’t lie and say the thoughts in my head are gone. They are still there. They aren’t going to disappear overnight, if they even...
September 2010
14 posts
happy--harry asked: hmm, thought I was already following you...am now :]
Paranoid Despondency
I can’t say that my thoughts, what they are of, have changed. I have always had a darker mind than most, and - yes - Death is a large topic inside. Mine, in particular. Yet, somehow, they are changing. I think the drug is to blame, and I know I desperately need to schedule an evaluation and switch to a different one.
I had a wonderful evening. I really did. Even still, my mind was drifting....
Independent Thoughts
I’ve been very tired for much of the day. I drug myself out of bed this morning, but I really didn’t want to. I’m not sure if it’s my new medication making me this tired, but if it is, that’s all it’s doing. It’s been three weeks, and it hasn’t made me feel any different. Maybe it’s that I’ve been sick, but I don’t really feel sick...
Revertigo
Last Monday evening, we went to pick up my uncle from the bus station, so that he’d be here for the funeral and everything in the following days. My grandfather, sister, and I drove the 35 minutes to the station, with me lying in the backseat, sicker than a dog with bronchitis and a stress that caused me to puke up every gut in my body, the entire duration of the car ride. I wasn’t...
Silent Nights
The majority of people who know me would say I’m somewhat of a social butterfly. I enjoy the company of others. I enjoy the conversations of others, and especially being a part of them. I am bubbly and outgoing. I can relate to anyone, and no one is a stranger to me. All of this probably comes from the fact that I don’t want to be alone.
In truth, I am incredibly antisocial. There...
Disappear
She is soft and fragile - a dove with a broken wing,
mangled to a point of desperation, giving anything to fly.
I am hard and pointed, all that’s left is the sting
of a broken down life and conflicted soul.
A rose may wither, but the thorns never die.
She is my contradiction, dying for escape.
She stares with such conviction, a frantic gaze
from within the lookingglass -
crying...
Seeing as I am literally sick and tired, I should be sleeping. Instead, I am sitting alone in the darkness, recalling an old recurring dream I had quite frequently as a child. I couldn’t have been more than five or six, because I remember where I was living at the time. I had mostly dark dreams as a child. I was twisted and damaged at even such a young age. This dream, though, it was the...
Collections
I feel no senses. I don’t know what is happening to me. My body is restless, and my mind is filled with its stories. Stories that must be written. I feel as though death is slowly creeping into my cold bones, and I do not recognize this person looking back at me from inside the mirror.
I feel no feelings. Only what is playing out in my head seems real. There is a darkness within me,...
May 2010
26 posts
No matter how well things are going, I can’t stop counting down. I don’t even know how many there are left, but I keep counting them away. I’m sick of being stuck here, waiting, but I worry what might happen if I gave in and finally stopped waiting. I mean, I know what would happen. Obviously. But I don’t want to do it when the time’s not right. I don’t want...
suicide-by-star:
Danny Elfman - The Grand...
I am not lonely. That is not what this is about, but I am alone.
Every now and then - increasingly so, when I’m up late at night with nothing to do, I lie alone in the darkness, seeing where my thoughts might take me. I often drift to the fact that I am lying alone in the darkness. And I think of how useful it would be to have someone lying there with me. Well, not simply ‘lying...
These days, I am trying to question my decisions less and less. I tend to be so unsure of my choices. About anything and everything. So, whenever I find myself questioning something I do or am going to do, I stop, close my eyes, take a deep breath and just do it. Either it works out, in which case it’s a good thing and there was no point questioning it. Or, it doesn’t. And in...
“To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to...”
– E.E. Cummings (via shesnotagirlthatyoucanchange)
the beginning, or the end?
For some time now, I’ve been saying I need things in my life to change. Most things in my life, as a matter of fact. What people don’t realize, what I may not have fully realized until recently, is how desperately I really do need things to start happening, and happening differently at that. I don’t think I can even try to explain the urgency I am beginning to feel more and more with each day,...
April 2010
39 posts
Reason #729...
…Why I’ll Never Marry:
In the past week alone, I have had four married men express a strong interest in me fucking me. I’m not kidding. Four.
Not to mention the fact that I recently found out a former fling was, and still is, a married man.
I’m that woman? Really??
Yeah.
Guys, the evidence keeps stacking up against you, really.
~
Reason #730: A married friend said...
Things I Feel Like Doing
- Deep-sea diving, no air tank
- Discover what it takes to baffle a group of highly-skilled toxicologists
- Find people stupid enough to cause their face to run into my fist, esp. multiple times
- Crawl into a dark cave for the rest of eternity, or at least my lifetime
- Set something on fire… quite possibly myself
- Put on a 19th century ball gown and sit around my house, drinking tea...
Anytime I think things are looking up, I realize it’s only because I’m lying on the ground.
1 tag
http://fanfic.darkness-descends.net/viewstory.php?s... →
I cannot describe my love for these. As a character, Jenny can sometimes annoy me, to be honest… But I like her writing. Quite a bit, actually. This really does make me think it’s something she would write, were she real. Honestly, I think the only reason she does aggravate me is because she is a lot like me. She is broken just the same, and though I wouldn’t do some of the...
"Chronic Dissatisfaction, that is what you have."
My life is nothing like I wanted it to be.
I am disappointed in myself.
I feel a heavier weight each day, like yet another day has passed me by meaninglessly…
I don’t know what to do anymore.
I don’t even know what to think anymore…
I feel as though I’m heading back towards that place I go, but the closer I get, the darker it seems than before.
This is just me...